Why Isn’t Gratitude Working?
Gratitude is often defined as the state of being grateful, a sense of thankfulness. However, this simple definition doesn’t fully capture the depth and power of true gratitude. Research consistently shows that gratitude can significantly boost our mood, strengthen social connections, and ignite joy in our lives. But, if that’s the case, why doesn’t it always seem to work?
One common misconception is that simply talking about positivity — focusing on “sunshine and rainbows” — is enough to cultivate gratitude. From my personal experience, I can tell you that this is far from the truth. To truly harness the benefits of gratitude, you must deeply feel it, not just go through the motions of writing down things you’re grateful for without any emotional connection.
When we merely list things we’re thankful for, without engaging emotionally, those words remain just that — words. While words do carry a certain energy, it’s the accompanying emotions that truly elevate our mood and spark joy. The act of listing things to be grateful for is not enough; the emotional experience behind those words is what truly makes a difference.
So, how can you truly tap into the power of gratitude and fully immerse yourself in the feeling? The process begins with identifying something you’re grateful for, but don’t stop there — dig deeper. The key is in the explanation. For instance, consider a simple statement: “I am grateful for the hummingbirds that visit my feeder every day.” If I leave it at that, there’s little emotional depth — just a factual statement. But when I start to explore why I’m grateful, the feelings begin to emerge. I might continue: “I am grateful for the hummingbirds because they are so beautiful, with their tiny, iridescent bodies and the way they hover in mid-air with their wings beating so fast. I love watching them as they drink nectar, returning day after day. Their feistiness, their protective nature over the feeder, even their little squawks when it’s empty, all bring me joy. I feel honored by their presence and find delight in every interaction with them. They truly brighten my day, and I thank them each and every time they appear.”
Just by reading the above, hopefully you can feel my emotions regarding the hummingbirds. This kind of detailed, emotional reflection is what transforms a simple gratitude list into a powerful practice that genuinely enhances your life. Gratitude isn’t just a habit you fake until you make — it requires you to truly feel those feelings. The more you practice this, the more natural it becomes, and soon you’ll find that both gratitude and appreciation will effortlessly work for you, enriching your life in profound ways.
Also, a note about the difference between gratitude and appreciation. Some argue there’s a distinction between gratitude and appreciation, with one being superior to the other. Personally, I use these terms interchangeably, but I acknowledge that there is a nuanced difference worth considering. According to the Oxford Dictionary, gratitude is defined as “the quality of being thankful; readiness to show appreciation for and to return kindness.” In contrast, appreciation is described as “recognition and enjoyment of the good qualities of someone or something.” From this, we can infer that gratitude is a broader internal state, a foundation, whereas appreciation is the specific expression of that state — how we choose to acknowledge and celebrate the goodness we perceive in the world around us. This distinction makes perfect sense to me. However, feel free to use whichever word works best for you and brings the emotion.
Please share your thoughts on gratitude and appreciation!s.
