Stop Arguing for Your Limitations!
Stop Arguing For Your Limitations
Lately, I’ve noticed a pattern with many of my clients: they seem intent on arguing for their limitations. It’s a curious and somewhat frustrating phenomenon. I guide them through their challenges, and they often leave my sessions feeling much better. Yet, when it comes time for me to offer advice on how they can continue their healing at home, I’m met with a “yes, but.”
This response, on the surface, seems harmless — a simple hesitation, maybe. If you dig deeper, it reveals a deeper issue. That “but” is a signal, a manifestation of their resistance and the limitations they’ve unconsciously imposed on themselves. It’s as if they hear me, they even resonate with what I’m saying, and somehow they just can’t allow themselves to fully accept it. That “yes, but” is their way of holding on to the familiar, the known, and the comfortable, even if those things are what’s holding them back.
It’s not just a matter of hesitation or doubt; some clients genuinely want to argue with me. They’ll tell me, “I feel so much better after our sessions,” or, “I’ve made more progress with you than with all my previous therapists combined,” and then, inevitably, comes the “but.” “But I’m still struggling.” “But my situation hasn’t changed.” “But she always acts this way.” “But I can’t really change.” “But I’ve always been this way.” “But no one ever really changes.” It’s a never-ending stream of “buts,” each one reinforcing the very limitations they’ve come to me to overcome.
This behavior isn’t just about the here and now; it’s deeply rooted in conditioning we’ve all experienced since childhood. We’ve been taught to explain ourselves, to justify where we are and where we’re coming from, to make sure others understand our struggles. It’s as if by explaining and rationalizing, we feel more secure in our position, even if that position is one of pain or difficulty. There’s also an element of fear at play — the fear of the unknown, the fear of change, and the fear of losing something, even if that something is our own misery or limitations.
Fear, as it turns out, has a singular purpose: to regenerate itself. It exists to perpetuate its own existence, and our ego often goes along with it. Why? Because fear is familiar. It’s something we know, and while it may not be pleasant or desirable, it’s comfortable in its own way because it’s predictable. It’s much easier to stay in a state of fear than to venture into the unknown, even if that unknown might bring freedom, joy, or fulfillment.
Here’s the thing: is it really that important for someone to understand where you’re coming from? Is it crucial to emphasize your struggles and continually remind yourself and others of your limitations? Is it worth staying on the same merry-go-round, going through the same motions, and experiencing the same frustrations over and over again? I believe it’s time to break that cycle and start something new. And I think, deep down, you believe that too.
Breaking the cycle begins with awareness, specifically, awareness of the word “but.” Start by encoding the word “but” into your memory. Pay close attention to how often you use it in your daily life. You might be surprised at how frequently it shows up. Once you start to notice it, you can begin to take control. One simple technique is to mentally put a full stop after the word “but.” I have a client who imagines me holding a huge red stop sign every time she says “but.” This visualization helps her to pause, reflect, and then choose a different way of expressing herself.
The next step is to change the rest of the sentence or, better yet, replace the word “but” altogether. For instance, instead of saying, “I understand what you’re saying, but I don’t know how to do it,” try saying, “I understand what you’re saying, and I’m open to learning how to do it.” This small shift in language can make a significant difference. It not only changes the energy of the statement but also the energy of the person making it. You’re no longer reinforcing a limitation; you’re opening up to new possibilities.
Language is powerful. The words we choose to use shape our thoughts, our feelings, and ultimately, our reality. On top of that, every word has it’s own frequency and vibration. Each word is essentially a spell, that’s why we call it spelling 😊!
When you find yourself making a definitive statement, especially one that limits you, consider rephrasing it. Instead of saying, “I can’t do this,” try saying, “I’m open to finding a way to do this.” Instead of, “I’ve always been this way,” say, “I’m willing to explore new ways of being.” Each time you replace a “but” with an “and” or a limiting statement with one of openness, you’re taking a step toward breaking free from your self-imposed limitations.
I remember when I first began my spiritual journey with the Law of Attraction, one of the teachings that stuck with me the most was from Abraham-Hicks: the idea of reaching for the next better or best-feeling thought. This simple practice has had a profound impact on my life, and it applies not just to thoughts but to words as well. I’m not asking you to leap from feeling stuck or overwhelmed to a state of pure joy and excitement overnight. That’s not realistic, and it’s not necessary. All it takes is one tiny step up the emotional scale. Just one. And from there, as momentum builds, you can continue to climb higher and higher, moving closer to the life you truly want to live.
So, the next time you catch yourself saying “but,” pause. Recognize it for what it is — a sign of resistance, a clinging to the familiar. Then, choose to say something different. Choose to be open, to be willing, to take one small step toward breaking the cycle. Because the truth is, you don’t have to stay where you are. You don’t have to keep experiencing the same struggles. You have the power to change, to grow, and to create a new reality for yourself. And it all starts with a single word.
